The Avengers - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. (A)

The Avengers is a good movie; in fact, I'll give it an A.  But when I stand back from it I feel like there were actually a lot of problems with it - even though I enjoyed it.  Here's the good, bad, and ugly.

The Good

• Too much fun.  The plots issues don't matter if the movie is this much fun.  I can't remember very many films that I enjoyed as much.
• Everyone had a part to play.  People like Colson, Hawkeye, and Black Widow were not relegated to the kid's table.  They had a neat part in the story and I loved watching them all as a team.
• Well Made.  No directing problems.  No bad acting.  A solidly made film all the way through.
• Colson shooting Loki.  That was probably the coolest thing in the movie.
• Loki was a great villain.  Very true to the comics.
• Mark Ruffalo was fantastic as Bruce Banner/Hulk.  I didn't expect him to make me forget about Ed Norton's amazing job, but by the end of The Avengers I had decided that Ruffalo owned the role.
• Both of the end-credit scenes are awesome.  I love the inclusion of Thanos.  (And I knew that was Thor's planet!  At least, it looks like the planet he's always on in the Infinity adventures.)

The Bad

• Captain America is disappointed with America.  But we don't know why.  He just mutters something about America losing a lot since the war.  What, exactly, is he upset about?  We're never told.  All of the cool people trash America, these days.
• Stark's not-so-renewable energy.  An energy source that lasts for a year (or any limited amount of time) and then needs to be plugged into "the grid" again is not renewable - that's what we call a "battery."
• Why are the superheroes upset about building weapons?  Why is it a problem that S.H.I.E.L.D. is making weapons to fight our new enemies?  Isn't that what the Avengers do?  I thought this was a sloppy attempt to bring some relevant struggle into the film, but I also thought it made no sense.

The Ugly

• So, the cosmic cube was surrounded by...pure energy?  That doesn't make any sense.  Not anymore than it did when the same director used it in his film Titan A.E.    (Which involves aliens attacking Earth o get at a source of energy that threatens their existence.)  And why can't they just fly under it and lift up the whole roof to move it?  That happens in these stories all the time.  That was a very weak plot point.  (Energy, by the way, is any form of stored potential.)
• Colson's man crush.  Why did he need to be such a sissy?  I'm glad he's a fan of Captain America, but his silly crush on him was getting to be undignified.
• These bullets.  Something's wrong with the formatting and the bullets are working out on my outline.  That has nothing to do with the film, but it's ugly.  It's probably due to my insistence on using Opera even though I know it's not compatible with Google web programs.

So, that's all.  I really loved the film, but I can't get over a few glaring problems.

Reviewing the Stuff My Wife Makes Me Watch: The Importance of Being Earnest (A+)

Now, THIS is how you make a period film.  This movie is funny.  Really funny.  And it's got a great cast.

Don't get me wrong, I want to make fun of it, but I also wanted to say that I could actually appreciate one of these films a whole lot.  If you still need brownie points with your wife and you've already watched Pride and Prejudice then this is a good choice.

(Well, that was a boring entry.  These reviews are much more entertaining when I talk about movies I don't like.  I think a review of  The Matrix is long overdue.)

Reviewing the Stuff My Wife Makes Me Watch: Pride and Prejudice BBC (A-)

The quickest way into a woman's heart is to watch all six hours of this movie with her.  And, yes, you have to watch all of it at once or it won't count.  (Fortunately, it's broken up into sections so it's like watching six episodes of Downton Abbey.)  Six hours is a pretty long time to do anything other than sleep, but women are strange like that.  You wouldn't believe how many girls have told me about how they like to "randomly" watch this film every now and then, even though nothing about a six-hour period piece seems spontaneous to normal people.

In my dorm, we used to have random viewings of multiple Lord of the Rings films on the same day.  Of course, that's completely different.

But this film isn't bad.  The acting is very good and it's (mostly) well directed.  (Aside from the weird part where character's faces are superimposed on top of each other for some reason.)  As a matter of fact, I found it easier to sit through this than most of the 90-minute chick flicks I've endured.

Waiting for this film to end...one could wait for a very long time...

It's not perfect.  The women's outfits are lame and it looks like they're waring plain white nightgowns the entire time.  Also, there's a scene where Colin Firth swims that is said to be the most memorable scene in British television, which just might mean that British Television really sucks.

But it's good enough for an A- grade since it's very rare that a six hour long film can actually be good.   That's a serious accomplishment.  And, for us married men, the BBC has provided a get-out-of-jail-free card if we are in trouble at home.  You know, like if we forgot to take out the trash a few weeks in a row.  (Hypothetically speaking.)

Baby, I know I forgot to clean up the porch, but, uh...doesn't Colin Firth look great in a top-hat and waist-coat?  Are you thinking what I'm thinking...

Reviewing the Stuff My Wife Makes Me Watch: Downton Abbey, Season One (A- or D+)

I can't decide whether or not I like this one.

The first few episodes put me to sleep because I really don't care about the silly day-to-day "problems" faced by the rich people of the show.  Will the rich, snobby girl inherit the big house?  Or will she have to marry the handsome, funny, wealthy lawyer in order to live there?  Tell me now - I can't wait!

Oh, and will the old bat be ashamed of how her family is gossiped about in London's society pages?  I'm on the edge of my seat!

If you think Psycho is a tense film, then you just haven't watched stuffy British women discussing their dresses.  That is intense.

Who's flower garden will win the blue ribbon?  The boring old guy?  Or the boring old lady?  Which mean sister will end up with the dorky rich guy?  I must know!  And I hope that none of the rich people need to deal with any slight inconveniences in the next episode, I was sweating bullets when a house guest almost saw one of the maids!  Someone tell those British people that nerves can't take this!

But, it's not just a show about pretentious rich people.   There are also pretentious poor people who live in the same house.

It's not all bad, of course, which is why I gave this one an A- as well as a D+.  Lady Cybil (the only one of the rich people I care about) is fascinating and charming.  And everyone loves Bates, the wonderful footman with the broken foot.  And his girl, whats-her-face, who, um, likes Bates.  The show is also one of the most well-made programs ever to be on television.

I've only seen season 1, so don't send me any spoilers.  I would hate to know ahead of time that the girls don't like the new paint jobs in their rooms, or that the father got separated from the family dog during his walk for a few minutes and then found him sniffing a tree.  Those are the sorts of storylines that shouldn't be ruined for anyone.

This week on Downton Abbey - The oldest daughter can't decide which car her daddy should buy her.  Meanwhile, Cousin Violet gets cranky when someone claims she was born near Scotland.  Also, don't miss the guest star, Emma Thompson, who plays a next-door neighbor who drops by Downton Abbey to discuss her favorite table cloths.  We won't tell you how that one turns out, here on BBC!

Reviewing the Stuff My Wife Makes Me Watch: Emma (C-)

Grade: C-

This movie is about as stimulating as a bag full of hammers.  The characters pedantically move from one lifeless parlor to another having pleasant, sleep-inducing conversations along the way.  Every conversation ends with a close up on Gwyneth Paltrow making an amused face and saying something like, "Shall we move into the den and discuss how lovely the plants are in there?"  (Also, in one scene where she's shooting a bow it's painfully obvious that Paltrow has no idea how a bow works.)

Emma is a meddler, but not the charming kind.  Her friend likes a nice farmer who wants to take care of her, but Emma insists that her friend forget about that guy and pursue a neurotic vicar that everyone hates.  Why?  I don't know; we're never told about the source of Emma's psychosis.  Does she hate her friends and want to see them fail at life?  Is she opposed to seeing happiness in others?  Is 'Emma' really the story of anti-social insanity in 19th century England?  Does that explain her impish grins amidst her dull surroundings?  (Wait - this movie just became sort of cool...)

But, Jeremy Northam gives a very good performance - he brings this film to a passing grade, single-handedly.  But, isn't Ewen McGregor in the movie, too?  Well, yes, but he's not very memorable.  It's the sign of a poor director that otherwise good actors leave us with dull performances.  (During the opening credits, when McGregor's name came up my wife said she had forgotten he was even in the film.  But she remembered Northam.)

I tried to like this one, but it was mostly slow-moving parlor pleasantries with almost no tension, drama,  suspense, or any of the sorts of things that make a story happen.

Adventures in Academia: Clarence Glover, and His Big Bag of Cotton

Part of the reason that I enjoy working at a university is the interesting people I meet, and the ways they challenge me.  While helping the Southwestern History department with their yearly conference, I met Clarence Glover, CEO of Sankofa Education Services, who brought plantation life to me.

(Don't mind the pictures.  I know they stink, but it's just a camera phone in a hallway with strange lighting, and I'm not a photographer.)

He showed up with that large bag you see in the picture.  It's so long it can't fit in the picture and it weighs 200 pounds when filled with cotton.  I asked if I could take a picture of it and he did me one better - he told me to pose with it while he took my picture.  (Then he told me to take it off because I had put it on wrong.  Yep.  Did I mention that I'm a certified AVIT consultant?)

Then he pulled some cotton out of his pocket.  Not cotton balls like you find in the store, but cotton that he had picked off of cotton plants.  (He picks cotton and keeps it with him.)  He then showed us how he could quickly spin the blob of cotton into a strong strand.  It was hypnotic to watch his hands dextrously manipulating the cotton.  He told us that he did this by moving his hands to a certain rhythm - a rhythm that was a part of the way his people worked and influenced the way they sang.

He spun that into a stout bracelet (like the one he always wears) and gave it to Dr. Countryman (whose elbow is visible on the right), one of our own well-respected professors.  Most technicians don't get to hang out with luminaries on the job, so I'm pretty lucky.

Then I picked up the old chains he had with him.  They were convicting.  It's one thing to give a man a difficult job and tell him to earn his living that way, but it's another thing to make him wear these heavy, demeaning chains.  How could people do this to each other?  I shook my head and wondered what kind of monster would chain up is fellow man while he worked.

But, then, something even more horrid occurred to me: I was giving myself way too much credit.  In the old days, most people went along with slavery.  Respectable men and women from the past that we study and admire were not opposed to tying people up and forcing them to work.  Would I have protested slavery?  Or would I have gone along with it?  Unfortunately, almost no one protested slavery for most of man's history, so I'm sure I would have been no different.  That pains me.

Is there anything that I should be protesting that I'm not?  Am I overlooking anything like slavery in my life?  I hope not.  But how would I know?

Exactly How Facebook Makes Me Feel

I saw this, today, and was shocked to find out that I'm not the only person who's a little weirded out by they see on Facebook when hometown updates come along.

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